i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
