It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
