bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
