he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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