Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
