His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
