Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
