My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
