remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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