I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
