WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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