tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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