this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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