So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
