i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
