you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she told me i tasted like america
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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