i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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