y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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