Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
