is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
