You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
