Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
