Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
