My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
