Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
