dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
