My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
