Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
