I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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