I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
