the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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