remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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