Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
