At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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