I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
