I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I believe in your delicious
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
