rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
