I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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