U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
