I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just pee around me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
