let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
