Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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