the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
