The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
