Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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