If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
