so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
