my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
