Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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