He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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