i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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