I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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